Welcome Monday Lovers!

I’d love to tell you about my Saturday, but my Saturday was spent in College Station, which is a lot like a wasteland, except with buildings. Witness, while figuring out what to do for with our evening, most people suggested we get in our cars and head back to Austin (for some culture). I laughed and had another shot of Sailor Jerry.

So I’ll talk about Friday.

Shawna and I had a blast Friday night. We started the night at Randy’s place, watching the final four episodes of Arrested Development. The really went out with a bang, though I would have loved a bit more closure on the George Michael/Maebe front. Oh, well.

Then the call from Tess came, and Shawna and I went to the strip club.

Now Austin is home to a lot of topless bars. Off the top of my head, I can think of Sugar’s, The Yellow Rose, Perfect 10, XTC, Expose, The Landing Strip, and Pellazio. That’s a lot of place to go see some tits, and I’m not even talking about the… ahem… “modeling studios.” The place we went to, however, was called Joy of Austin. I’d never been to Joy. Hell, I’ve never been to a strip club period. Y’see, like all good boyfriends, I hate tits. Hate ’em with a passion. And the last thing I want to do is go someplace where I can drink and look at tits. Talk about boring!

Nope. Never been to The Yellow Rose.

Never been to a dingy place in Lawrenceburg, Indiana called Concepts.

Certainly haven’t been to a place in Arlington called The Fantasy Ranch.

Never even heard of it.

But here’s the thing: sometimes, the girlfriend you love with all your heart and soul wants to have a woman with fake breasts named Candi grind on her lap.

And, by Christ, and want to watch that.

So we spent a good four hours at Joy on Friday, where I spent $160 on drinks, lap dances, and tips for girls named Candi. And I got hear gems like “She smells amazing,” and “Can you find me a girl with a great ass?”

And that’s why I love Shawna like no other.

Envy me, fuckos. Envy me.