Superman Returns, or getting it as close to right as they’re ever going to.

Saturday night, Shawna and I went to go see Superman Returns (you gathered that from the entry’s title?  huh!). I enjoyed it.  Truly, a solid popcorn flick.  It might not have any lasting effect (because it’s a pop culture visual feast, not Ben Hur), but better than the last summer tentpole movie I went and saw.  In case you’re wondering, that one was Revenge of the Sith.  Come to think of it, this was better than any of the previous Superman movies (mostly due to Kevin Spacey, see below).
Okay, so I liked the movie.  I’m now going to break it down, as the young kids say.  Here are five comments to be taken with a grain of salt.

1: Brandon Routh did not act like anybody other than Christopher Reeve.   He did a good job of it, though.  I hope he doesn’t end up in a shitty John Carpenter movie opposite Kirstie Alley.

2: Finally, finally, FINALLY! Thank you, Kevin Spacey, for finally getting Lex Luthor right.  Lesson one, folks: Lex Luthor is not comic relief.  He is not a foil.  He’s a greedy, mean, manipulative son of a bitch.  He also happens to be a genius.  Thanks to Spacey and Singer for realizing that.

3: Ditch the Parker Posey character.  She drags Lex down, giving him a hint of that comic edge he had in the eighties.  I mean, at least he didn’t have a henchman named Otis, but Kitty Kowalski was awful and pointless at every turn.

4: Lois Lane is not, has never been, and will never be sixteen years old, so don’t cast an actress who looks that young to play her.  We’re supposed to believe she has a five year old son?  Riiiiiiiight.

5: Superman is not an asshole, so don’t make him one.  Superman’s whole gig is that he’s not just a man; he’s a Super Man.  So, don’t make him get all petty over Lois having a guy in her life.  “He’s a pilot.  He takes me up all the time.”  “Not like this.”  C’mon!  You might as well have had Superman say “Is his dick bigger than mine?  Mine’s a Superdick, y’know!”

3 thoughts on “Superman Returns, or getting it as close to right as they’re ever going to.

  1. Okay, I’m disagreeing on the Kitty role. I thought she was great. I thought she and Lex played well off each other. But I totally agree with you on Lois being too damn young. I thought she pulled off the part but a 5 year old kid? AND the Pulitzer? Right. You know what else I thought was stupid? Why did ‘they’ keep making sure Superman had that ridiculous CURL on his forehead ‘just so’ at all times? Come oooooon! And that scene that you quoted about comparing Richard and Superman and Lois says: “You still feel warm” Right, like he’s a corpse? He’s going to be dead and cold?! Argh! Stupid dialogue…

  2. After careful deliberation on the Kitty subject I have decided that you are wrong. Take heart, though. I was going to side with myself from the very start!

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