I’ve got some more Read This entries on the way.Â I haven’t been reading as much because the new house is sapping a lot of energy.Â I have three waiting in the wings, though, and I’ll try to get them all out by Monday.Â ‘Kay?
I’m two stops into the hamburger tour, and it’s been great so far.Â I’ll probably be doing an end of the month round-up instead of a weekly feature.Â Do you really come here to read about food?Â Damn, I hope not.
Okay, here’s something fun.Â Last night I had a dream in musical form.Â From beginning to end, the sucker was filmed with catchy tunes.Â I don’t think it’s a marketable musical, because nobody wants to hear a song called “There’s Rats in the Strip Club,” but it was both the most fun and the most bizarre dream I’ve had in a long time.
The scene was Aurora, Indiana, just before the open of Club Paradise (a strip club owned by my friends Greg and Buckner, and worked by all of my ex-girlfriends), and everybody’s singing about the virtues of being early.
I decide to quit my job at Argosy Casino because I remember I’m rich and don’t need to work.Â Instead, I head to Club Paradise to supervise their last minute health inspection (this is where “Rat’s in the Strip Club” appeared).Â I walk home afterward, stopping to eat at McDonald’s and triggering a turf war between them and Arby’s (“Meat is Murder, and Murder is Fun!”).
Reaching home, an old woman lifts up her skirt to pee on my dog, Boris.Â At this point, I grab a broom handle and ask her which of her grandchildren she wants me to beat to death.
And here comes the big show-stopping number.Â It’s a little hazy, but I remember it was sung by Old Dirty Bastard and a team of lacrosse players, one of which was wrapped up in linked sausages like a mummy.
And I remember the last two lines of the song…
“So let’s show up muthafuckin’ early.
I’ll teach you shit that ain’t legal heeeeeere!”
So, what did you dream about?