A PSA for those who have never been to Austin, TX

Last weekend, I caught the episode of This Old House that was filmed in Austin.  As I watched the episode, I couldn’t help but think of the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition episode that filmed here last year.  I also couldn’t help but be ultra-super-mega pissed off at how television networks portray Austin.

So for the record…

We do not ride horses.

We do not wear cowboy hats.

We do eat foods other than barbeque and baked beans.  We have excellent Vietnamese restaurants here, and most of us aren’t afraid to eat there.

Every bar in Austin is not a honky tonk.  There’s, maybe, ten out of a few hundred.

Yes, some people wear cowboy boots.  Much like the rest of the world, these people are laughed at mercilessly.  Because they’re wearing cowboy boots.  And they look like assholes.

We do not make our livings as ranch hands.

We have roads and air conditioning and all of that.

No, Dallas didn’t get Texas right either.  We are not all oil barons.

No, we don’t all know Matthew McWhatshisname or Lance Armstrong.

That said, here are some misconceptions Austinites have about the rest of the world that I would like to clear up.

Look, there are hot and spicy foods everywhere.  And they’re just as hot and spicy as they are here.  Get over yourselves.

You did not invent football, beer, or live music.  These have been around for a long time, and it’s time you realized it.

And, finally, a few apologies I would like to make to the world.

Varsity Blues and Once Upon a Time in Mexico were both filmed here.  So was that movie about Tommy Lee Jones and the cheerleaders.  For this I am sorry.

The last two bands to make it big from Austin were Los Lonely Boys and Blue October.  Again, I am sorry.  We should not inflict our lame frat bands on the rest of the world.  It’s a bad habit of ours, and we’re in meetings to correct it.

(Author’s note to Shawna, Zan, and Carrie.  After reading this last bit, I’m sure you will consider me both a jerk and wrong-headed.  Please disregard these feelings and accept that I am right in all things.  Thank you.)

(Correction:  Blue October, it appears, is from Houston.  They are still lame.)