My electric bill has skyrocketed, kids are everywhere, the crap-ass ice cream van is driving past my house playing the same shitty version of “It’s a Small World After All” every ten minutes, and I really wish people would stop throwing parties so I could just stay home for one fuckingÂ weekend.
Yep, summer’s here.
I’m told summer is a time of celebration and stuff like that.Â Personally, I don’t buy it.Â It’s a time for me to rack up debt on entertainment and a time for me to wish I had enough cash to get the air conditioner on my car fixed, but if you expect me to celebrate either of those things, you’ve got another thing coming.Â Odds are, you’ve got coming at your throat at high speed, but you never know.
Sure, there are fond memories.Â There were trips to amusement parks back when I wasn’t paying for them.Â There was swimming back before I hated taking my shirt off in front of people.Â There was even an especially cool night spent riding around with Benny Turner and Brian Hunt listening to Oasis B-Sides.Â I enjoyed it because I was sure Oasis was one of the worst bands of all time, and I really enjoyed despising them.Â More than ten years later, I’m confronted by the disappinting fact that–despite being made by musicians who were total douchebags–“Cast No Shadow,” “Morning Glory,”Â and “She’s Electric”Â are incredibleÂ songs.
So yeah, summer’s lost some of its shine.Â Of course, the entire world has.Â What an ugly fucking place we inhabit, huh?
On the bright side, the summer bringsÂ usÂ “So You Think You Can Dance.”Â I say without a trace of shame that this is one of my favorite shows.Â A chance encounter with the show last summer (I was walking through the living room five minutes after a Simpson’s re-run) pulled me in like a pulling mechanism of some kind.Â Then it hooked me like a hook or something (it’s early, go write your own fucking similes).
So, yeah.Â There’s summer for you, the good and the bad.Â Enjoy your summer TV, read a book, and tryÂ to pay your bills on a single income.Â Go on, I dare ya!Â