Saturday afternoon, Shawna looked over at me between How I Met Your Mother episodes and said something few people in their right minds have said in the past ten years or so.
“I want to watch Bram Stoker’s Dracula.”
A little history…
Bram Stoker’s Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, hit theaters in the fall of 1992.Â I was a sophomore in high school, and I was convinced from the first television spot I saw that it would be the greatest movie in history.Â Dude, it was fucking Dracula! It was supposed the be true to the novel.Â It contained Anthony Hopkins fresh off Silence of the Lambs.Â It sported Winona Rider somehow sporting cleavage.Â Hell, that Godfather guy was directing it!Â This thing would clean up come Oscar time!
I remember watching the movie for the first time with the rest of my black T-shirt andÂ army jacket-wearing friends.Â We were blown away.Â One of my friends, a tiny girl I’ll callÂ ”R” for the sake of my legal safety, started breathing heavy and crossing her legs about twenty minutes in.Â She finished the movie in a sweat and made me promise to make her a copy once I had the video tape.Â She’d later confess to do terrible things to herself while watching that movie.Â Still later, her boyfriend would break up with her, and I’d find her on my back porch screaming “I renounce God!” like Gary Oldman at the start of the movie.
What can I say?Â We were lame fucking kids.
I tell you all of this so you can have some idea of how incredible my friends and I found Bram Stoker’s Dracula.Â I probably watched the flick once a day for close to a year.Â It was just a movie that we all loved.
Which is why it shames me to look at the movie with eyes older than sixteen years, because man, that is one fucking awful movie.
The accents, the rings of blue flame for no reason, the bad makeup and butt-shaped hair style, the over-acting, the gaudy set design, that one scene where they cut to a bedroom and then throw blood everywhere for no reason, the scene on the ship where they do the same thing.Â Oh, it’s all just so terrible.Â It’s probably one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen (not as bad as The Duo, but pretty close).
So Shawna and I watched Bram Stoker’s Dracula Saturday night.Â We laughed.Â We shared war stories.Â And afterward, I took a hot shower and tried to scrub the movie off my skin.
So, what movies are you ashamed to admit you used to like.