Brian Keene Must Die!

Posted on November 2, 2009

A while back, a bunch of writers got together to kill Jack Haringa.  Well, not really, but they wrote stories in which they brutalized our favorite Grammar Hammer.  Now, it’s Brian Keene’s turn.  It’s for a really good cause: to drum up support, both financial and otherwise, for the Shirley Jackson Awards.  You’ll find a link at the bottom of the story.

But first…

BRIAN KEENE, HIS LAST WILL AND TWEETSTAMENT

By Nate Southard

DEAD AUTHOR’S TWITTER FEED MAY HOLD VITAL CLUES

The tragedy of horror author Brian Keene’s death is still fresh in the minds of many, but a new wrinkle is well worth examining.  Shortly after the author’s grisly death, fans pointed to his twitter feed.  Several of the tweets he posted during the last 24 hours of his life paint a timeline some might find very interesting.  Are there clues here that may lead authorities to suspect foul play? 

SHIT!
less than 5 seconds ago from txt

Jesus, the elevators moving
half a minute ago from txt

Martin gardens hotel in cleveland, oh.  Call them now!  Tell them about me!
3 minutes ago from txt

I’m down here.  Bottom of one of the elevator shafts.  Can’t feel my legs.  Somebody tell the police.  Tell hotel security.  Please!
4 minutes ago from txt

Anybody reading these?
4 minutes ago from txt

HELLO?!
5 minutes ago from txt

What is this shit?  An elevator shaft?  A fucking elevator shaft?!  Why the fuck am I here?
6 minutes ago from txt

Oh shit.  OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT!!!
7 minutes ago from txt

And with that, I bid you goodnight.  See you tomorrow, Cleveland.
about 4 hours ago from txt

Perils of old age, I guess.  Fuck.
About 4 hours ago from txt

Wow.  Fatigue coming on fast.  Probably gonna crash soon.  Shame.  Party is still going strong.
about 4 hours ago from txt

Fucking ow!  Don’t know what just stung me, but it hurt bad enough for me to feel through half a gallon of bourbon.
about 5 hours ago from txt

@MikeOliveri and @CullenBunn are doing jello shots.  Fucking jello shots!  As long as they don’t jello wrestle, I guess it’s cool.
about 5 hours ago from txt

Aw, hell.  Is this kid gonna cry?
about 5 hours ago from txt

Yeah, Greasy Punk Kid is back, just asked me why I don’t respect my fans.  Told him I respect the sane ones just fine.
about 5 hours ago from txt

Christ.  This guy again…
about 5 hours ago from txt

Cracking open third bottle of Knob Creek. My name is Brian Keene, and I can bend the universe with my mind.
about 6 hours ago from txt

@DrJoeMaynard is sooooooo getting laid tonight.  I’ll see to it.
about 6 hours ago from txt

There’s Knob Creek bottle number two empty and tossed.  Sweet jumping fuck, I need snack cakes.
about 8 hours ago from txt

Time for room parties.  We shall tear this world apart.
about 9 hours ago from txt

Pasta and good conversation.  There’s no better dinner!
about 11 hours ago from txt

He stomped out. Some folks just can’t take a joke, I guess.
about 13 hours ago from txt

Some greasy haired punk kid asked what Ob’s doing right now.  I answered “Your mom.”
about 13 hours ago from txt

And there’s a panel down.  Ruffled some feathers, so it must’ve been a good one.
about 13 hours ago from txt

Why can’t we just kill zombies? Panel about to start.  Wish me luck.  Hope it’s not all mouth-breathers.
about 14 hours ago from txt

Broadcast from Cleveland continues.  Con going great.  Good finds in dealers’ room.  One panel today.
about 20 hours ago from txt

Hello, Cleveland!  HELLOOOOO CLEVELAND!!!
about 21 hours from txt

Again, we’re doing this to help raise awareness and money for the Shirley Jackson Awards.  If you could, please go to http://www.shirleyjacksonawards.org/sja_support.php and consider making a donation.  Hope you guys had fun!

  

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