Let It All Come Down

The last few years have been tough ones.  When I look back and think about everything that’s happened, I find myself amazed I can still stand up.  I’ve lost both parents to cancer, a brother to the long-lasting effects of drug addiction, and I recently found out my dog has cancer.  In the meantime, I’ve helped run this year’s World Horror Convention, spent over a year in therapy, learned some shocking truths about my family, and found myself single after eleven years.

Some days, the simple act of waking up feels all but insurmountable.  Some days, it feels more like a habit than something I really want to do.  I still do it, though.  Partly because it feels good to stare deression in the face and tell it to fuck off, and partly because I’m out of vacation time, and finding myself unemployed is not going to make my life easier.

But I don’t want to complain too much.  The fact of the matter is, I’m still alive.  Sometimes, being alive kind of sucks, and sometimes being alive means you’ve survived three years of really shitty existence.  You get through how you can, and you take stock of the good things.

So let’s take stock…

My ex-girlfriend is still my best friend.  We care about each other and our pets, and I still feel closer to her parents than I ever did to my own.

I’m busy.  I have one novel due on the 1st of January, and another due four months after that.  It’s possible that I’ll have a third due in August, but that’s just in the talking stages right now.

My writing continues to get better.  For a writer, that’s all you can ask for, even if you suspect you’ll never be as good as you want to be.

I have an amazing network of friends.  This reminds me that I really need to see about getting Coffee with Lee Thomas.  It’s been too damn long.  I need to roll a d20 with my Friday night friends, too.  Or at least play a game of Zombies!!!

Muay Thai.  I started training with Wrath James White back in June, and it’s been a blast.  I can feel how much healthier I am, and there are few things as stress-relieving as knocking the crap out of a heavy bag once a week while Wrath pushes you harder and harder.  I thought I’d broken a sweat before, but nothing’s ever pushed me as hard as this.

So that’s where I am.  A lot of life is hard, but a lot of it is pretty fucking great.  You guys remember that, and I’ll do my best to do the same.

3 thoughts on “Let It All Come Down

  1. Amen to you.
    Look forward to receiving Is there a demon in you when Camelot Books has them ready.
    Take care

  2. Whats up Nate? Thanks for posting this. This is my first time posting here. I just wanted to thank you for doing what you do. I have yet to read a story of yours that I didnt love. (believe me thats saying something) I just finished BROKEN SKIN and I have to say that it now shares the top spot w/ Keenes FEAR OF GRAVITY for my favorite short story collection. ALso….. I wanted to thank you for posting this. I battled w/ Drug Addiction for years, and only made it thru the other side because of the love and support of my family. I lost someone very close to me while I was out running the street. I have been clean for 7 years now, and not a day goes by that I dont think of her. I am truly sorry for your loss man. Im not sure why I shared here…… it just felt right. Anyways man…… Keep up the awesome work. Im also looking forward to Is there a Demon in You, and I’m grateful that for now, mine is resting…..

    -Kevin

  3. I agree with the people above. Your stories are the best I’ve read. Thanks for sharing the above. It helps others. I hope all is well.

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