Top Chef Returns, Pray for My Family

Posted on March 12, 2008

Top Chef, that reality competition of bad-ass chefs, returns tonight.  I can’t wait.  The show is one of my greatest guilty pleasures, and I can already see myself staying up later than usual (I’m lame and hit the sack early) while staring at my TV and salivating.

Of course, the return of this fine show creates some problems.  Not for me, of course, but for my family, most notably Shawna.  In the past I’ve discussed my love of food and cooking, and I’ve discussed my relative suck-i-tude at said cooking.  Well, maybe I don’t suck, but I’m no where as good as I’d like to be.  I tend to stress over details that shouldn’t affect a small dinner between Shawna and myself.  Couple this with my complete lack of maturity, and we’ve got one helluva a recipe… for disaster!

So, for your reading pleasure I now present a list of things Shawna is most likely to hear me say in the kitchen during the coming months.

“Don’t burn!  Why are you burning?”

“Fuck you, rice!”

“Everything we own is shit!”

“Get these motherfucking animals away from my stove!”

“Do I look like I need help?”

“Um, a little fucking help, please!”

“Fuck!”

“Motherfuck!”

“Motherfuck me!”

“Motherfuck your fucking mother, you motherfucking chicken breast!”

“Why the hell is it sticking?”

“The goddamn fish just fell apart!”

“Simon, get your fucking nose out of the wok!”

“Goddammit, I fucking suck at this!”

“Why do I even bother?”

“Seriously.  Fuck you, rice!”

“They don’t even look like scallops anymore!”

“Should have ordered a pizza!”

“No salt?  You don’t want salt?  Why don’t we just eat some motherfucking cardboard?!”

“Please cook this goddamn thing before I completely ruin it!”

“There is no way I can un-fuck this!”

“I could destroy Cheerios!”

And so forth. 

So you see, Shawna may have a bit of an adventure coming her way, courtesy of her stress-filled boyfriend who loves to cook but can’t keep things from going south.  Pray for her.

The search for Austin’s best burger, Round One

Posted on July 17, 2007

It was a noble quest.  When I started back on June 2nd, I jumped in with both feet.  Now, almost seven weeks later, I report back with the first of my findings.  What follows is a list, in taste-order, of the burgers I’ve tried so far.  Will one of them be the best burger in Austin?  Time will tell.

1. Top Notch
7525 Burnet Rd
Cooked over charcoal and made to order, Top Notch is going to be a tough burger to beat.  Their menu is simple, yet large, and the burgers are mouth watering, like something offf the backyard grill.  Probably the most affordable burger on this list, too, with a cheeseburger clocking in at $2.99

2. Dan’s Hamburgers
5602 N Lamar Rd
If Top Notch is your backyard, then Dan’s is the diner on the corner.  With a heaping helping of greasy spoon charm, this place sells their burgers in three sizes.  Their bacon, which costs you a few cents extra, is the best I’ve encountered.

3. P. Terry’s Burger Stand
Corner of Barton Springs and Lamar
A wonderful walk-up with a menu of only a few items, this place does burgers and fries in the In and Out Burger tradition: everything made fresh and by hand, every day.  No frozen patties or pre-cut fries here, and it shows in the taste!

4. The Frisco Shop
5819 Burnet Rd
When you’ve been around for fifty years and sport a staff that’s been there forty, you better put out a damn good burger.  Luckily, the Frisco does not disappoint.  They offer the classic Frisco Burger and the Deep South.  I tried the Deep South and was mighty impressed.  Probably the classiest feel of the places I’ve tried so far, and the prices won’t break your budget.

5. Phil’s Icehouse
5620 Burnet Rd
This place doesn’t have a lot of years behind it, but they have a great menu and a fair amount of skill.  The Brentwood, their bacon cheeseburger, is the biggest sandwich I’ve had in a long time, and it’s damn tasty, too.  I didn’t particulalry care for the sweet potato fries, but that’s a minor complaint.  I’d recommend this place in a heartbeat.

6. The Boulevard Bar and Grill
3616 Far West Blvd, Suite 116
It pains me that I can’t recommend this place.  In fact, I can only warn you against it.  This little hole in the wall used to sport my favorite burger in town, but now only features slow service and bland food.  The sweet buns your sandwich somes on are still very nice, but everything else pales in comparison.  Oh, and you can smell the bathrooms from anywhere in the restaurant, too.  A damn shame.  Avoid.

Uchi!

Posted on June 7, 2007

Last night, Shawna and I went to Uchi for our seventh anniversary.  If you live in, around, or over Austin, TX, you’ve probably heard of the restaurant that sounds like an exclamation.  After opening in 2003, this Japanese restaurant quickly shot to the top of just about every local food poll and put Executive Chef Tyson Cole on the national map.

It seemes a shame that I’ve never been to Uchi, but as much as I pretend to be a foodie, I really can’t afford to go fine dining all the time.  Luckily, Shawna and I have an anniversary once a year, so we can always use that as an excuse.

So, Uchi–that small restaurant with its shifting menu–became our destination this year, and we couldn’t be happier with the experience.

First, the interior of the restaurant is beautiful, full of red and gold and dark wood.  A tiny bar gives way to a larger sushi bar, where the fresh fish is on full display.

The waitstaff was incredibly helpful, which is a godsend to folks like us, who were having mild anxiety attacks trying to figure out which items were appetizers and not wanting to look like idiots.

This brings us to the most important part… The food.  Truth is, there are no appetizers at Uchi.  Every dish is small and made to order.  Out waiter recommended three dishes per person, but we did two each and barely had room for dessert.  The menu features a variety of permanent options that range from five dollars to twenty or more, and the daily menu features those items that are a bit more expensive.  We went for a good mix, and I’ll go ahead and run it down with some comments for each.

Takara Nigori
(A cold, sweet saki that was a little too sweet for might taste, but very refreshing)

Crunchy Tuna Roll
Bigeye tuna, avocado, balsamic, tempura flakes, japanese cucumber
(A great dish to start with.  Good with soy sauce and wasabi or the spicy mustard they served it with)

Tomato Katsu
Panko-fried green tomatoes
(Cruncy, delicious, and hot!  Pretty good size, too)

Hotate Shoga
Maine diver scallops, fairy ring mushrooms, oven dried cherubs, hydroponic peashoots, miso emulsion
(Damn! Both the scallops and mushrooms were in top form, and Shawna and I cleaned this plate in just over a minute)

Kamo Zuke
Seared moulard duck breast, shitake mushrooms, broiled Japanese eggplant, tamari
(Incredible! Still cool in the center, and oh so tasty. Trimming the fat on one side to look like teeth in a jawbone was a strange touch, but I still ate this right up.  The mushrooms and eggplant might have been the best part of the night)

Dessert
Peanut butter semi freddo with apple-miso sorbet and ringo crisps
(Normally, I despise the idea of any peanut butter ice cream product, but this was subtle and tasty and matched the apple flavor wonderfully.  A great way to end the night)

So, yeah.  Uchi caught me off guard with just how wonderful it is.  Anybody in Austin looking for a night out (and not too afraid to spend some cash), should look into Uchi.  We spent about $160 after tip, but we also bought a bottle of wine and splurged on some of the more expensive items.  There’s no reason a couple couldn’t get in and out for $50-$60.

Preparing for another culinary adventure

Posted on May 7, 2007

For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, I love to eat.  It’s my favorite hobby.  Well, maybe my second fav.  My top would be cooking.  I looove to cook.  I’m not too great at it, but I’m constantly striving to improve (I even considered joining a culinary program until I realized it would mean another $10,000 worth of debt for me.

Okay, that’s neither here nor there.  Right now we’re talking about eating.  Two years ago, I started an annual summer project.  That year, I had to try a new restaurant every week.  Last year, I went on the search for the perfect taco.

This year, I will find Austin’s best hamburger.

Maybe this isn’t the greatest idea when I’m trying to improve my eating habits, but I figure once a week won’t do too much damage, and there’s really too many fabled Austin burger joints to pass up.  My only concern is visiting a majority of them during a single summer.  Oh well.  I make these sacrifices so you don’t have to.

Be sure to pay attention starting in June.  Let’s eat!

 

So Long Old Friend

Posted on January 14, 2007

When I met you almost four years ago, I never knew our friendship would last this long.  You just showed up at my door, begging for a place to stay.  I took you in and gave you a home.  You’ve been with me ever since, a faithful companion.  Together, we made several trips down the street and back, smiling all the way.  Over time, I grew to depend on you-to love you, in a way.  I suppose I always knew our partnership couldn’t last forever, but I hoped.  Oh, God, how I hoped.  But now it’s over.  It saddens me so deeply to say it’s over…

…And all because that bastard working the register at Domino’s finally took away my coupon for a large three-topponng for $8.99.

Breakfast at Hoover’s

Posted on September 18, 2006

Shawna was hungry when she woke up yesterday, so I suggested we go to Hoover’s Cooking for our early morning meal.  Why not, right?  It’s close, and I’ve been looking for another excuse to eat there.

Well, we arrive and sat down.  Shawna ordered the chicken etouffe and biscuits, and I ordered what I have now decided is the greatest breakfast in the world…

Chicken and pancakes.

A fried drumstick and breast, light, greasy, and a little sweet, with two pancakes about as big around as a human skull.  I came close to finishing it all, but not quite.  Can’t wait until payday, though.  Because I’m going back.

I’ll be back tomorrow or Wednesday with writing-related stuff.

Taco Tour 2006, Finale

Posted on August 21, 2006

I know, there was supposed to be a week 12, but I’ve declared a winner.  I have found that Austin Taco Mecca that will be my new Saturday eatin’ spot.

And it’s a trailer.

Taqueria Don Chuy.

This taco trailer sits in a lot at the corner of North Lamar and Grady.  It’s touch to miss.  Big white trailer with the word TACOS spraypainted across it.  And I gotta hand it to the folks who work that thing.  Two ladies crammed in a trailer with no AC, complete with fridge, grill, hotplate, sink, and a bunch of other stuff I couldn’t make out.

Prcies at this place are excellent.  I order 1 carne guisada, 1 beef fajita, and 1 chicken fajita for the kingly sum of $4.50.  They wrapped my meal up and I sat at a nearby picnic table to start eating.

Incredible.

The carne guisada is the most tender and flavorful I’ve ever had.  The chicken fajita, topped with onion and red pepper, puts everybody else in town to shame.  The beef fajita was subdued, with a hint of lime poking through rather than the dominant dumin you get elsewhere.

And I just scratched the surface of their menu.

I’ll be back on Saturday.  Who’s coming with me?

Carne Guisada: 9.5

Chicken Fajita: 9.8

Beef Fajita: 8.5

Value bonus: 4

Average: 10.6

Taco Tour 2006, week ten

Posted on August 7, 2006

Only two weeks left after this!  I’ll be taking next week off, however, since I’ll be in Baltimore.  We’ll start again in… two weeks!

So, I went to El Arroyo this week.  They’ve got a good sense of humor there.  Not only did they name themselves after a nearby drainage ditch, they also serve tacos that are about three times the size of the tortillas they’re served on.  This makes eating afun experience, to say the least.

But how’s the taste?

Well, I grabbed a beef taco, and it tasted pretty bland.  Nothing really special going on there.  The chicken taco, on the other hand… damn.  We may have a winner, folks.  This may be the best taco in Austin.  The sucker was tasty as hell, with just the right amount of heat to compliment its flavor.  Add in the fact that you get a whopper of a taco for just over $2, and you’ve got yourself one serious contender.

Some local places have some serious work to do if they want to top this.

Beef: 5

Chicken: 9.5

Average: 7.25

Taco Tour 2006, week nine

Posted on July 31, 2006

It’s a damn shame.

Taco Deli is within walking distance of work.  Their food is tasty as hell.  They’ve got a great staff.  Sadly, they don’t want to be a taqueria so much as a local hang out.  In order to bring that about, they’ve priced themselves way too high.  I picked up three tacos on thursday, and my bill was over $12.  That’s silly!

But the food was good.  I had the tequila marinated pork (puerco borracho), the regular beef (Mexico City), and the adobo marinated chicken (adobodas).  All were delicious, with the Mexico City being especially nice, if a little tough.With some better pricing and an atmosphere that doesn’t scream “Look at us!  We’re cool!” this might have been the top stop on the tour so far.  Sadly, it just falls short.

Puerco Borracho: 6.5

Mexico City: 8

Adomodas: 7

Wallet-based disgust: -4

Average: 5.83

Taco Tour 2006, week eight

Posted on July 26, 2006

Two months into the Taco Tour, and no end in sight.  I would have had this up on Monday, but I was to busy being productive.  Then I posted about my personal shame and found it only fair to let everybody read that first.

So, let’s get to it…

My friend Wammo once told me, “Tamale House has been keeping musicians alive for as long as I can remember.”  I can see what he means.  WHen I went to the Tamale House on saturday, I was treating to the most filling meal of the tour, and it cost me less than four dollars.

Tamale House is a fun place, a run down little concrete building on Airport Blvd, whit no air-conditioning. The interior is about 90% kitchen, with a small counter, a huge fan, and a single table.  Three more tables greet you outside, but the place is so busy you’ll probably end up taking your tacos home or eating them in your car.

And that’s cool.

So, my choices were a Taco al Carbon (grilled brisket) and a barbacoa taco (slow-cooked roast).  I topped it off with a coke, and went outside, where a table was just clearing up.

Man, that was some great food.  Inexpensive, tasty, and ooooh so filling.  The tacos were delicious from top to bottom (or end to end, I guess). 

al Carbon: 8.5

Barbacoa: 7.5

Less than $4 bonus: + 2

Average: 9

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